Image by Deep Grey Photography

Weddings are a cause for celebration and to be a good, actually, great wedding guest, I share with you some simple rules. These rules will hopefully guide even the most seasoned wedding guest through the sea of confusion surrounding weddings in the 21^st century.

Rule Number One: Be Your Best You

Upon entering the Ceremony and Reception Venues, leave all excess baggage at the door and ensure you have a smile super glued to your face. No matter how bad your situation is, hold your head up high, and pretend everything couldn’t be better! I can guarantee you that the recent promotion of your ‘arch nemesis’ Melinda at work does not rank high on the priority list for table discussion. Nor should any of the other guests have to listen to how uncomfortable you are in your $599.99 outfit that you purchased instead of paying your rent for two weeks. Leave all of your troubles at home; a wedding is not the place to share your woes. Be Your Best You for a couple of hours – who knows, you might even enjoy yourself!

Rule Number Two: RSVP ASAP

As soon as you have received the invitation it is extremely important to RSVP ASAP (regardless of whether or not you are attending). At this point in time, I must urge you to take careful note of whom the invitation is addressed to. If the invitation is just addressed to you, then it is safe to say you are flying solo –what a fun and fabulous way to extend your circle and meet new people. If the invite is addressed to yourself, plus a guest, ensure you forward your guest’s name along with the RSVP. This will ensure a smooth evening for you and your guest, plus no unexpected surprises for the Bride!

Rule Number 3: Punctuality is a Plus

Ensure you arrive to each stage of the wedding on time – you should be arriving at least fifteen minutes if not more before the ceremony commences or the Bride and Groom arrive. If you are unfamiliar with the area you are travelling to for the wedding, ensure you do your research, paying particular attention to parking arrangements. If for whatever reason you arrive late to the ceremony, under no circumstances make your way down the aisle to your seat, wait until an usher or the wedding coordinator seats you. If you arrive during the processional, wait patiently to the side and sit once everyone has entered. With a little extra preparation, you can avoid any red faced situation.

Rule Number Four: Dressing Appropriately

To avoid any awkward moments or a dreaded ‘Janet Jackson’ wardrobe malfunction, plenty of effort and consideration must be taken when choosing appropriate wedding attire. If you have been living under a rock for the last few centuries, guests are strictly not to wear a white outfit of any description. This is a tradition that is often reserved for the bride only. Jeans and shorts should not be seen. Flashy or skimpy outfits are a big no-no and an all black outfit should be avoided – remember you aren’t going to a funeral. Pay special attention to the dress code outlined on the invitation. Regardless of what dress code is on the invitation, keep it simple – subtlety is best.

Rule Number Five: Gifting

It is often good etiquette to give the Bride and Groom a gift even if you are unable to attend the wedding. Most couples these days have taken the guess work out of selecting a gift by providing their guests with a Wedding Registry. If you are stuck on picking the perfect gift, think about the relationship you have with the Bride and Groom, this will ensure you pick something meaningful. If you are unable to afford a gift on the registry, get in touch with other guests – you can then choose a large item and the cost can be split multiple ways. If you purchase a large item that is not easy to carry, please leave it at home. Traditionally you have one year to send gifts to the newly married couple. This means you can deliver it at a later date. If you decide to delay a gift, ensure you give the couple a card outlining your plans, this will ultimately avoid you looking like a cheapskate.

Rule Number Six: Introduce Yourself and Mingle

Make an effort to introduce yourself to all of the other guests at your table. A great ice breaker is to start with how you all know the Bride and Groom – remember you will be spending a large amount of time at your table. With that in mind though, feel free to mingle with other guests at different tables, you don’t have to be chained to your seat all night – a couple of minutes of small talk never hurt anyone! The Bride and Groom would have put a lot of effort into the seating plan, so ensure you know where you are to be seated before you enter the reception venue. Under no circumstances should guests play musical chairs with the seating plan or switch places with other guests.

Image by Jackie Chan

Rule Number Seven: Open Bar Behaviour

Yes, there may be an open bar. Yes, it may be free – but under no circumstances should guests drink so much alcohol that they pass out underneath the buffet table. Alcohol should be consumed responsibly. Remember that the Bride and Groom have paid a substantial amount for the open bar, don’t abuse the privilege. Most importantly you want to avoid embarrassing yourself and the happy couple. You don’t want to be ‘oh, the guest who’…….

Rule Number Eight: Timing is Everything

If possible, stay for the entire length of the Ceremony and Reception. If you are simply unable to stay for the full length, it is appropriate to leave after the cutting of the cake. There is nothing worse than  guests who like to ‘dine and dash’, leaving  the room half empty for the cutting of the cake, the first dance and the tossing of the bouquet. After the cutting of the cake, everyone let’s their hair down, and this is where the real fun begins!

Rule Number Nine: You are not the Paparazzi

The Bride and Groom have paid a professional photographer to capture the special moments from their big day. If you would like to take photos, stay out of the professional’s way. If it can be avoided try not to take photographs until after the ceremony, this is a special time for the Bride and Groom and your utmost attention should be on them. Photos should also not be posted on Facebook, Twitter, or any other form of Social Media unless you have been given strict instructions to do so by the Bride. It is important that the Bride is captured looking her best and the professional photographs are unveiled as ‘hot off the press’!

Rule Number Ten: It’s polite to say Thank You

It is extremely important that before the Bride and Groom leave the reception that you express your thanks and gratitude for being able to share in their special day. If you can manage to catch a brief moment with the Bride and Groom alone, ensure that thanks are given. If you can’t pin them down, giving your brief thanks during the Farewell Circle is another perfect opportunity. The Parents of both the Bride and the Groom should not be forgotten. During the reception, feel free to offer your congratulations to the Mother and Father of the Bride and Groom, and thank them for a wonderful day/evening.  In most instances they would have contributed largely to the success of the wedding.

Ms Gingham says: Great post and great advice. Especially Rule Number 9 about staying out of the professional photographer’s way!

Sarah says: “Newly Wed who loves to blog about weddings and food! Loved everything about planning my wedding and honeymoon, and absolutely devastated that it is all over now Have the most amazing husband who I love with all my heart, and am so looking forward to the journey life will take us on together now that we are married!”

Read more by Sarah here.

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Mat and Athena

In June 2010 Mat took me to the UK to meet his parents and we had also planned a few days in Paris. A few weeks before we flew out he announced out of the blue “I am not cliched enough to propose in Paris, so I hope you weren’t expecting me to.” It really hadn’t occurred to me, so I then got upset that he didn’t want to marry me! Imagine my surprise then, when on our first day in the City of Love, he towed me up the million steps of the Sacre Coeur and proposed! I was so legitimately stunned that I forgot to say yes.

With close family and friends on both sides of the world, we made the decision to have two weddings in two weeks – one in Australia (Maleny) and one in England (Bath – in a divine 17th century converted threshing barn!). We had approximately the ‘normal’ wedding budget to see us through both weddings and a week in Italy, which we ended up achieving! At the time of planning our wedding, I was working as a Wedding & Event Coordinator, so I had a lot of wonderful industry contacts for help and advice (thank you Lovebird Weddings! x) On the downside it was hard to switch off from work and focus on our wedding!!

We decided on a French, whimsical, romantic theme for our September 2011 wedding with a hefty splash of humour and decadence. Vintage vintage vintage… with lots of ostrich plumes, family heirlooms, cut glass, crystal, roses and tiny birds. Mat’s family flew out from the UK and we booked out the entire Spotted Chook Ferme Auberge in Montville, on the Sunshine Coast – the family stayed in the main house and Amelies Petite Maison became the most perfect Bridal Suite. Above is a  little Spotted Chook with my ‘something blue’ – Mat’s grandmother’s sapphire and diamond ring.

Ultra whimsy! Divine flowers by Twig & Grace, with feathers, a tiny gold bird and rosemary for remembrance. I sourced my little vintage birds via ebay, and my Mum scoured op shops for vintage photo frames for our little quotes. Our Australian invites were a design called ‘Mr Darcy’s Letter’ by the wonderful Nikki from Days Gone Design, USA, and we had a customised letterpress wedding certificate made by Wiley Valentine, USA. A special mention goes to my favourite OPI polish ever! ‘Otherwise Engaged’ from their bridal range.

Mat and his brother may look all smiles, but they were secretly scheming against each other to have the Funniest Speech in History. The red vespa was at the Spotted Chook – Mat having his little Jamie Oliver moment!

It was important to us to have two intimate meaningful celebrations, rather than a day full of third cousins and people we didn’t recognise, so at each wedding we kept it to around 60 guests, just close family and friends. Above is Mat with the two mums, while below my Scottish father is en route to Amelies, resplendent in the Stuart tartan. We only had one attendant each, my sister Ellena and Mat’s brother Darren.

We’d only just moved to the Sunshine Coast when the wedding planning began, so I was incredibly fortunate to stumble across Kim from Shima Gloss for my makeup who then recommended Evalyn Parsons hair. It would be hard to find two more truly lovely and talented ladies! They were especially wonderful when the morning of our wedding I broke out in a head to toe red rash (seriously) and they had to calm me down and still make me look presentable. It was raining all morning and any potential ‘Bridezilla Wet Weather Freakout’ was averted due to the distraction of the rash. It didn’t go away for 2 days but luckily you can’t (hardly!) see it in the photos.

We were living in Stanthorpe before our big move Northwards in search of warmer weather, and we already had a brilliant and creative photographer booked for our wedding – Cory Rossiter. We love Cory’s use of light, eye for detail and quirkiness and most of all the sweeping dramatic shots which we knew would be amazing in Maleny. Thank you Cory for agreeing to drive so many hours to capture our day!

Dad walked me down the aisle to a beautiful piece of music my grandfather used to play to me on his record player when I little – ‘The Flower Duet’ by Delibes from Lakme. Our grandparents are no longer with us, but in so many ways they were very present on our wedding day. Mat carried his grandfather’s pocket watch on the day as a token of remembrance.

Our ceremony was at the Little White Wedding Church in Maleny. Chandeliers, white Tiffany chairs… swoon. A dear friend of mine from university (whom I have known for nearly half my life) Kate Heffernan, was our amazing celebrant and her ability to be humorous yet meaningful began our day with laughter and tears! We’re so glad she asked us to take a moment to look around at everyone, the love and support from everyone was unforgettable.

My cousin’s adorable children Tahnee & Israel were our tiny attendants, and congrats to them for making it down the aisle! Mat’s father and my stepfather gave readings during the ceremony ‘Sonnet V’ Shakespeare “Live with me and be my love” and an exerpt from ‘The Prophet’ by Kahlil Gibran. As a surprise for Mat I gave hime a Certificate of Adoption for my three cats!

We included our mothers in a meaningful way in the ceremony as they handed us our rings on cushions hand sewn from same the French lace on my Henry Roth gown. I had originally chosen a different (smaller!) style of dress, but then fell in love with Ireland. Champagne taffeta, tulle, lace…. I was in girly heaven. Our original theme was different as well, but once Ireland was in the picture our whole colour scheme became softer and more romantic. Definitely heavy and cumbersome ‘carry on’ luggage when we flew to the UK for the second wedding, but so worth it! Apologies to all the poor flight attendants who had to stow my big gown! My earrings and hairclip were from Fletcher & Grace, my new favourite shop!

My young nephew James, flew all the way from England for our big day, which was very special.

Our photographer Cory is an expert at dramatic images, so he turned the weather to his advantage and got some incredible shots. It was freezing though, and for one set we were in a cow paddock and when I tried to crouch down and pull my huge dress up around my shoulders to keep warm, I nearly toppled into fresh cow leavings. Luckily my sister rescued me in the nick of time!

French lace cloths from Lovebird Weddings, wedding cake from Eden Cupcakes, ostrich feathers straight from the ostrich farm (thanks mum!).

Our reception venue changed hands only a couple of months before the wedding, which caused initial concern but the new owners at Weddings at Tiffany’s were incredible. The venue got a lovely facelift and we were promised Tiffany chairs and crystal candelabras – unfortunately they were all stuck in customs for weeks, and were only released 2 days before the wedding. Our mums were at the venue the day before helping assemble the candelabras…. they were so worth it. It was a magical venue, from the attentive staff, to the chandeliers, Tiffany chairs and the incredible views of the Glasshouse Mountains.

Mat’s speech was hands down the funniest speech in the history of the world (with Darren’s a close second), I cried my makeup off laughing and actually tore my dress bodice from laughing so hard! A good friend of my mother’s (Mick from EMG) sang our first dance song “For Once in My Life” while everyone waved sparklers around us. My new husband dedicated a Rod Stewart number to me later in the night (which was a surprise!!) and followed it up with a special performance of Duelling Banjos with his brother.

Photography by Cory Rossiter

Ms Gingham says: I just love the talent in Australia… what a beautiful wedding story told with such finesse by the images. Gorgeous!

Athena says “Thirty-something from the Sunshine Coast, newly married to a talented & passionate Pommie chef, parents to 3 cats. Soon to start househunting for our forever family home, where I am planning to build my very own Secret Garden complete with peacocks. (Mat is more realistic and just wants a media room).”

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Image via Wanda Borges Couture

In my article Just Say No I described my own disheartening bridal experience – a rude sales girl who ignored my pleas for a plain wedding gown. Sadly, I have again encountered the phenomenon of the pushy bridal sales assistant. This time the innocent victim was a close friend, who I had accompanied on a dress shopping expedition.

Excitedly entering the store, we approached the sales woman and greeted her. “Yes?” she retorted. We hesitated, taken aback by her abruptness.

Recovering, I announced enthusiastically, “We have a bride here who would love to try on some dresses!”

“Isn’t it funny how brides seem to lose the ability to speak when they enter wedding dress shops!” the sales assistant replied, smirking. “You’ll have to put a cork in her,” she continued, gesturing to me. I froze, my mouth opening and closing in silent astonishment. My friend had also been rendered speechless.

“Well, we might just have a look around at the dresses if that’s okay?” the bride-to-be asked after a long pause. The sales assistant nodded curtly and followed as we stepped towards the racks.

“How do you expect to you see anything when the dresses are in the plastic wrappers?” she snapped. “Browse through these,” she said impatiently, striding across the room and returning with two hefty portfolios. “Don’t be long with them,” she warned. Suitably humbled, we thumbed through the catalogues. My friend picked out some dresses that she would like to try on and was soon being hustled to the change room on her first choice.

“I can’t breathe!” she exclaimed, gesturing to the corsetry on the back of the dress.

“Stand here,” the sales girl snapped, gesturing to a spot in front of the mirror and ignoring the potential for her customer’s collapse due to oxygen deprivation.

After my friend had wriggled out of the rib-crushing gown, a beaded satin dress was promptly thrust in her direction. “Um, I’m not sure that’s my style,” my friend said, wincing. “What is your plainest gown?” Looking at the bride-to-be like she’d just asked permission to set fire to the store, the assistant pulled out a silk gown adorned with a simply enormous flower. Despite my friend’s pleas (and my own), this was followed by increasingly shiny, bejewelled dresses until we finally made our escape.

This experience reminded me of the disheartening effect that this kind of behaviour by sales people can have on brides, as my friend was understandably disappointed at having such a special occasion ruined. She was, however, a shining example of just saying no. Despite the intimidating behaviour of the sales assistant, she refused the dresses that simply weren’t her style, excusing us from the shop with a diplomatic “Well, you’ve given us a lot to think about.” I have never been more proud.

Ms Gingham says: I read this story with a feeling of disbelief… some people are so miserable! How sad!

Karen says: “I’m 25 years old and I’m an aspiring writer trapped in the body of a lawyer! I also have an Arts degree with a Major in English, which saved my sanity during university and allowed me to do what I love – write! Last but not least, I’m a bride-to-be and I’m writing a book about planning my wedding and all the craziness that comes along with it (see, for example, being told that my wedding photos will be ”deformed” because my bridal party is uneven). I’m also working on a children’s manuscript.

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Andrew and Lauren

It was a really special day sharing in our love with 130 of our closest family and friends. We were married on a sunny Saturday on March the 31st 2012 at the beautiful Poets Lane in Sherbrooke. We fell in love with the Dandenongs when we went to view Poets back in September of 2010, 3 months after Andrew proposed in Langkawi Malaysia. We loved the beautiful garden settings and the fresh air of the Dandenongs and we knew it was the right place for us. We chose to get married in the chapel as well as having our reception there as we really liked the same location.

I wore a Martina Liana strapless silk ivory dress with french tulle and a crystal belt around the waist. It was the first dress I tried on and I fell in love it with straight away. My jewellery was by Swarovski from which I chose a bracelet and a pair of drop pearl earrings. I wore my grandmother’s wedding ring as my something old and I chose soft pink strapless knee length dresses for my bridesmaids from Myer (Seduce).

Andrew wore his MacRae cuff links all the way from Eilean Dona Castle in Scotland which were very special and his shoes, belt and suit were from Hugo Boss. He chose a light grey suit which looked amazing in the photos and he had it tailored to get the perfect fit.

My flowers  from Jaclyn Roma Floral Design were a gorgeous bouquet of scented creamy white David Austin Roses with some silver suede foliage. I just loved the fullness and softness of the roses and that’s how I chose them. The girls also had the David Austin’s with some pink and peachy tones to match their dresses.

We had little bottles of Bailey’s and American Bourbon Whiskey individually named with sweet little tags for each of our guests. My mum also made all of our invitations and place cards and she did a fantastic job. Myself, mum and my brother’s partner Natasha made the wrist corsages for the ladies. I couldn’t say that I have ever sewed a flower onto a ribbon but it was a great learning experience and they ended up looking really fantastic. I loved the fact that they can now be kept as a memory of the wedding day instead of having to be thrown away.

Andrew and I thought it would be great to include our siblings in the ceremony so we had Andrew’s sister Traci do a reading and my older Brother Matt and Traci as our witnesses. My younger twin brothers Andrew and Lindsay handed out the orders of service.  I was very emotional before the ceremony started and it was a mixture of nerves and excitement. Even my dad was a little nervous which doesn’t usually happen. I walked down the aisle to The Rose by Westlife which began our perfect ceremony. It was short, sweet and beautiful all at the same time and exactly what Andrew and I wanted. Our celebrant Micheal Barnes did a small poem about us. He got a few laughs when he spoke about Andrew doing the dishes and me doing the cooking which was a great way to create the relaxed atmosphere we were after.

Beth from Immerse Photography really captured the special, fun and silly moments of our day and we loved getting photos in the beautiful gardens of Poets Lane. There were some great shots done of Andrew and the groomsmen getting ready and also some good ones of the girls. The girls got ready at my parent’s house and it was great to get some outdoor photos in our beautiful backyard.

Our first dance was to “You and Me” by Lifehouse and we had been learning a choregraphed dance for 6 weeks prior to the wedding. Our beauitful bridesmaid Kathryn spent hours perfecting our moves but on the night we missed the start of the song and were behind! We caught up and it all worked out in the end.

Our 3 tiered cake was by Sweet by Nature and consisted of white chocolate and fruit cake with cascading roses. Many guest were so full after our dessert buffet that they took a piece home for the next day.

We stayed over night in the honeymoon suite at Poets Lane. We did not have to travel far after the reception which was lucky as my poor feet had just about had enough. The next morning the majority of the guests were up and ready for a cooked breakfast although the same can not be said for two of my brother’s who were a little under the weather.

Photography by Immerse Photography

Ms Gingham says: Gorgeous cake and a very sweet (pardon the pun!) wedding. Congratulations Lauren and Andrew.

Lauren says: “My name is Lauren and I’m 27 years old. I love to travel especially to warm places such as QLD and anywhere that has a beach. I am a big animal lover and my 16 year old cat is adorable.I try not to take myself too seriously, I can be silly and I can always have a good laugh even if it’s on me.”

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These oh so pretty red Manolo Blahnik heels have inspired today’s shoe crush. Red is so dramatic on it’s own but paired with corals, apricots and soft pinks it takes on a whole different feeling. Let your imagination run free and don’t be afraid to play around with colour combinations to achieve a beautifully romantic wedding theme.

Printable Wedding Program from Etsy / Vox Populi Dress from BHLDN / Image by Angela & Evan Photography via La Belle Bride / Manolo Blahnik Trenzina from Barney’s New York / Jessica Beattie Millinery / Image by Continuum Photography via Style Me Pretty/ The Whimsical Wedding Cake Topper from Etsy

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