I am about to make the most unbelievable statement to you. Sometimes the one person that gets left behind during wedding planning is your partner. Yes – it does happen!
It’s not how it should be, it’s not how anyone wants it to be, but somehow, while the stress of decision making, budgets and guests lists takes over your life, the very reason for it all can fall by the wayside.
I am a firm believer in keeping your very special love story at the centre of it all and there a few key ways you can ensure this keeps you sane, together and happy long after the final pop of confetti has been sprung.
Set A Wedding Mission Statement
Sit down together and envisage what you both dream of for your wedding day. How do you want your guests to feel? What is something you won’t compromise on? Do you both want fabulous music? Do you want a beautiful gown and well tailored suit? Do you dream of flowers? Name the top three things and write down how you want your wedding to feel. As stress grows, use this to come back to and remind yourselves of your core decisions. The decisions worth fighting for and others you can delegate or let go will all be there in black and white.
Take Wedding Free Time
There comes a point in wedding planning where it seems like the appointments are endless, the emails never ending, information never stops and all you talk about when you each see each other after work is the wedding. It’s enough to drive anyone bonkers! My biggest and best tip? Take wedding free time! Plan a night at the movies or dinner, or a simple picnic where you declare a ‘no wedding talk zone’.
Make Decisions Together
I will never forget how much I hated it when vendors would completely ignore Mr. Polka. It made me feel so uncomfortable and was something I couldn’t understand. We plan our life, together – weekend adventures, holidays. Why would I be solely responsible for the wedding? So on this note, do it together. Head to the appointments together, make the decisions together. There are of course elements each of you will care about more than the other, but making decisions together gives you both input to create a day that is truly yours together.
Recognise Each Other’s Traits
Those traits you love and hate about each other? They’re going to blossom even more under the microscope that is wedding planning, so recognizing and understanding those traits you each have and how they will affect the decisions and emotions of planning, is really important.
You, for instance, might have difficulty standing up for what you want with your family, your partner might struggle when it comes to being around a lot of people. There are ways you can accommodate this when you’re able to remember the little nuances and help your partner by advocating for them in situations.
Take Time For Your Vows
Often, the wedding ceremony is left to the last minute. So many things sound louder and can make themselves more important, that your vows can get lost by the wayside. But spending time on your wedding ceremony together is one of the most important ways you can truly honour your soon to be marriage.
Firstly choose a ceremony that is in line with your values as a couple. If marrying in a religious ceremony are you both familiar with the words that will be used, and what they will mean to you? And if using a celebrant are you both comfortable with their style and their care of you?
Mr. Polka and I chose a Sunday afternoon and sat down with a cold cider to plan our ceremony, a laptop open to Google and a very brilliant book on wedding ceremonies. We chatted about what we wanted our guests to feel, the messages we really wanted to get across and what we wanted the ceremony to say about us. We chose identical vows, both feeling too nervous to keep them from each other and labored over each word.
The process was consuming and time heavy but it isn’t one I regret because every word of that ceremony was exactly what we wanted and so ‘us’.
I feel like planning your wedding can take you through this epic journey of trying to figure out how to navigate the world together. It’s completely new, this experience and celebration that is supposed to reflect you, but is so tied up in emotion, relationships and money and everyone’s wants and needs. How did you take the time to honour your partner during your wedding plans?