Congratulations! You’ve done the one-knee-bending, question-asking and she said “yes”. You’ve chosen the woman you want beside you at the altar. Now, it’s time to call in the boys…but which boys? How to choose? For some of you, this part may be even more nerve-wracking than popping the question to the love of your life – and it may potentially be political. But here are a few points to keep in mind and help you navigate through this delicate task.
You can choose as many or as few groomsmen as you like, but bear in mind that as your boys will also be escorting the bridesmaids down the aisle, it is better to keep the boy/girl ratio even. However, if you want to include more male relatives or friends in the wedding party, have them as ushers and have them seat your guests. That way you can still keep the ratio even but avoid bitter comments at the wedding.
What If She Wants Her Brother to be a Groomsmen?
The choice is yours and yours alone, but if your bride has her heart set on a favourite brother as groomsmen, it would go a long way if you play along… as long as you can stand the guy. However, if you don’t think your future brother-in-law can ace the many duties that come with being a groomsman, it may be time to communicate with your bride. If she absolutely insists that her brother be a groomsman, it’s time to look at the big picture: Your refusal could win the battle (the wedding), but lose the war (your in-laws). As an absolute last resort, assign your bride’s brother as an usher to keep him in the wedding party.
Who Should Be Best Man?
In olden days, the best man was like a “matrimonial bodyguard,” deriving from being the best swordsman to prevent disapproving parties from stealing the bride. Although the modern day best man does not have to be a sword-wielding warrior anymore, he is still the linchpin of the wedding with three significant roles: the bucks event, the rings and the speech. The coveted position of the best man comes with the most responsibility – he has to be depended to show up punctually and not make inappropriate remarks, since he will be making the first toast at the reception. However, you should never pick a person to be your best man because you feel obliged to. Choose someone you care about and have a history with, but the most important thing is to make sure your best man is someone you trust.
What If I have Two Equally Best Friends?
If you have a brother, pick him. That way you won’t risk offending one or the other. Your friends will simply understand that blood is thicker than water. If you don’t have a brother or prefer to have your best friends share the prestige of being a best man, then you can just say that you have best men. Divide up the best man duties and have them both give toasts at the reception. True friends will simply be honoured to just be invited to celebrate your special day and they would understand if you simply have to stick with tradition and pick one best man.
I Have Friends – But I’m Not Sure I Want To Ask Any Of Them To Be My Groomsmen?
If you don’t have enough friends to fill the quota, the first place to look for is your brothers, then male cousins, then your bride’s brothers or male cousins. If you don’t feel comfortable with that, use this opportunity to reconnect with your old best friend from high school. Otherwise, you can use your father as best man or talk to your fiancée and see if she can cut down the number of bridesmaids in her entourage. Finally, you can recruit your younger cousins and nephews as junior groomsmen. The guests will swoon over how cute the young ones look and it adds a point of difference to your wedding.
Choosing the men who are effectively a representation of you is an important, not to mention, delicate task. But it should not be an overly stressful process. Choose whoever you’re closest to, not who you feel etiquette requires you to. The wedding day can be so stressful that if you are surrounded by a good support system within your bridal party, it can make all the difference! Moreover, if your friends and family are truly happy for you, they will be honoured enough to be invited as guests, rather than fret over whether they are included in the wedding party or not. Most importantly, follow your heart and desires!
Ms Chinoiserie Says: Wonderful advice to make potentially tricky decisions a lot easier; above all else, go with your heart!